Bill Simmons stole my idea

Alright, the title probably isn’t true. I like Bill Simmons and won’t tear into him like Deadspin does. But it’s very eery that his 18th recommendation of 33 to improve the NBA — detailed on page 264 of The Book of Basketball — is precisely what I proposed in a May 2 post on this blog. It’s essentially that Isiah Thomas, due to all the horrific decisions he’s made during his career (ruining the CBA, ruining the Knicks), should have a reality show in which he operates various businesses.

Here is the idea from his book:

“18. I wish Isiah Thomas would be given his own reality TV show where he takes over businesses, stores and companies and runs them into the ground (like a cross between 30 Days and Wife Swap). In one episode, he could take over a popular Starbucks and immediately fire the most popular barista, raise the prices of chewy marshmallow squares and trade the store’s only espresso machine for a six-month supply of soy milk. The following week, he could become a casino pit boss in Vegas and immediately raise every blackjack table to $25, ban smoking, get rid of every American-born blackjack dealer and force the waitresses to wear more clothes. On and on it would go.”

You can read my post here:

http://kylestack.com/2009/05/02/the-isiah-thomas-show/

Odd, indeed. I’m sure Simmons came up with the idea on his own. He’s been torching the man for years (and rightly so). It’s just cool to see that people think alike on the ideas of embarrassing Thomas. Now an entire generation of young basketball fans knows him only from his failures and not from his greatness as one of the NBA’s best point guards and fiercest competitors.

P.S. It’s November 15, and I’m on page 265.

The Book of Basketball (continued…)

It’s November 8, and I’m on page 160. That’s 131 pages from a week ago. In fairness, I’ve had an incredibly busy last few days with freelance stuff and studying HTML + CSS and, well, drinking.

A few thoughts (SPOILER ALERT)

I dug the section on Isiah Thomas and The Secret. I feel bad for Isiah in a couple ways. He’s known to an entire generation of younger sports fans as an aloof, ego-centric mess after completely tanking with the Knicks. (And some people might remember the scalding Sports Illustrated story almost a decade ago about how Isiah blew up the CBA.)

What people don’t realize is the guy was not just a great player but also a decent judge of talent. Remember, he drafted Tracy McGrady, Damon Stoudemire (a very solid PG for seven or eight years) and Marcus Camby (struggled out of the gate but became a dominant rebounder and shot blocker) when he was with the Raptors. And he chose, among others, Trevor Ariza during his Knicks tenure. A lot of people forget about that pick, since Ariza’s Knicks career was overshadowed by Larry Brown’s cantankerous handling of young’ns, which resulted in Ariza getting traded to Orlando.

Anyway, Thomas also was a great player. He’s probably top 25 at least, maybe top 20. I haven’t made it to Simmons’ top 100 player rankings, which I’m assuming is somewhere in the 500s. But Thomas was one of the seven or eight most important NBA players during the ’80s, the league’s Golden Age, and he deserves the proper recognition for being such an incredible player and teammate. (Though not an respectable opponent, as his walking out on the Bulls in ’91 without shaking hands and myriad of other slimey tactics should have forewarned people with how poorly he would work as an executive. Because, you know, you have to actually communicate and get along well enoughwith people to get stuff done at that level.)

I plenty more thoughts but that’s enough for now. More along the way.

The Isiah Thomas Show

I really don’t think our society properly values what Isiah Thomas brings to the table. He has an incredibly interesting resume. Let’s take a look:

– Led Bob Knight’s Indiana Hoosiers to the 1981 NCAA championship.

– Helped lead a “freeze out” of Michael Jordan — then a rookie — in the 1985 NBA All-Star game.

– Led the Detroit Pistons to two NBA titles in 1989 and ’90, including that 25-point fourth quarter on a sprained ankle in the ’89 Finals that is among the sports’ best efforts by an injured player.

– Organized a Pistons walk-off in the 1991 Playoffs where the Pistons refused to shake hands with the Jordan-led Chicago Bulls after getting swept in four games.

– Left off 1992 Olympic Dream Team after Jordan reportedly stated his desire for a Thomas-less squad.

– Became the first general manager of the NBA’s Toronto Raptors, drafting Damon Stoudemire, Marcus Camby and Tracy McGrady in his first few years.

– Became commissioner of the CBA in 1998, and promptly ran the league into the ground. (this article explains it all)

– Massively underachieved as head coach of some very talented Indiana Pacers squads from 2000-03.

– Ran the show as General Manager and Head Coach of the Knicks, from 2003-08. A few highlights: Followed through on his desire to reshuffle a roster full of overpaid, underachieving players by trading for and signing an entirely new crop of overpaid and underachieving players; Targeted in $11 million lawsuit against the organization by a woman in the Knicks marketing department who claimed sexual and verbal harassment by Thomas; Coached poorly enough to inspire fans to hold a ‘Fire Isiah’ rally outside Madison Square Garden.

– Took a job for “free” as head coach of Florida International University this year. (He’s donating his salary to charity.)

Unfortunately for Isiah, his propensity for mismanagement has overshadowed his exceptional playing career. This leads me to an idea that would show just how inept Thomas is when it comes to running the show, highlighting his tenures with the CBA and the Knicks: A reality television show with Thomas operating a random business each week to see how far he can sink it into oblivion. 

(For the benefit of full disclosure, I absolutely deplore reality television — for the most part. I can get sucked into Survivorman at any moment, I’ve developed a hankering for Mantracker and I used to be immersed in Real World/Road Rules Challenge before I figured out everyone on the show was in their 20s  and 30s and did nothing else with their lives except compete on an MTV reality show.)

This would meld Thomas’ impressive ability to alienate people, his lack of instincts for spending money in the appropriate places, and his utterly terrible decision-making ability — he makes Michael Scott look like JFK — into one gut-wrenching, face-twisting show of business failure. It’s perfect for him.

I say we give Isiah one business each week — a Dairy Queen store, an automotive repair shop, a dive bar, etc. — and the cameras follow him for a month as he makes decision after decision, from budget priorities to advertising possibilities to customer interactions. (I feel like a month is long enough for someone to have a meaningful influence on a business. Any shorter amount of time feels like it wouldn’t have much of an effect.) You could even have the employees sit in a Real World-style booth and discuss, complain, fret about Isiah’s managerial style.

Isiah would have to be mic’d up at all times. His phone conversations would be recorded. Even his lunch decisions could be dissected. Just for comedy’s sake, I might be willing to let Isiah walk around with a whistle and deliver “fouls” for any employee who screws up. We could let him order pushups, situps and laps around the building as punishment. That might seem ridiculous, but at this point in the show anything should be acceptable. I mean, we would have Isiah Thomas running a freaking business! 

During and at the conclusion of each show a panel of three or four judges, all of whom have some sort of business leadership experience, grade Isiah on a variety of factors that they determine to be important. They sit at a long table, sort of like the one that the prison board from Shawshank Redemption sat at when Morgan Freeman got his release from jail. Isiah would sit in a chair clearly too big for his body, hopefully making him squirm as he listened to the panel. Ideally, he would sit in a dunk tank and the judges would throw a ball at the lever for every gaffe he made, but we got to have some legitimacy to the program.

This show would run for eight to 10 episodes, whereafter the business that is determined to have suffered the most from Isiah’s mismanagement is rewarded with a slew of “professionals” who help bring the business back to what it once was. As for the fate of the other businesses, well, they should lick their wounds. After all, it’d serve them right for letting Isiah run the show.

Now you tell me something: What reason would you have for not watching this show? I clearly would look forward to it each week. Every upcoming episode would be set to record on my DVR.

Many people love watching The Office because it glorifies office culture, something with which nearly all of us are familiar. We get a kick out of watching Scott, along with corporate management and a rag-tag team of incapable workers, somehow keep a presumably sunken business running. Well, now’s our chance to watch an equally unqualified idiot sink an actual business. And we all get to laugh at him! All that’s left to be decided is a name — The Isiah Thomas Show might not do it justice. What are your thoughts?