I remember when…

16 03 2009

I’m close to turning 26, which means I’m officially an adult and removed from any type of early 20s demographic which I might have stayed in at 25. Twenty-six. That means I’ve been following sports for 20 years, ever since an earthquake (which I felt in L.A.) rattled the Bay Area during the ’89 World Series. 

That brings me to another point. I’m old enough that I can say I’m old enough to remember when so-and-so event happened. I could talk about Jack Morris’ mustache and some 18-year-old punk would look at me dumbfounded. And the scariest thing is, I’m old enough to actually screw up details of what I think I remember. In honor of failed memory, I’m going to run through a list of sports occurrences I remember from when I was a young buck. Just for some fun, I’m not going to name the years of these events. I know them (I think), but you can play along to see if you can identify the year.

I remember when…

Sid Bream beat Barry Bonds’ late throw to home plate and vaulted the Braves into the Series. Yes, I’m old enough to remember when Bonds played for a team before the Giants.

Sedale Threat was the man to score the bucket which gave Magic Johnson the all-time assist record.

Chicago was THE sports city. Air Jordan. Big Hurt. Chelios and Roenick.

I actually watched NHL games, start to finish, and wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

The first NBA Jam came out, on arcades no less — with Shaq!

I nearly cried after buying Jam for Sega Genesis and realized Shaq wasn’t in it.

L.T. re-arranged Joe Montana’s left shoulder. That was my introduction to the NFL after spurning the hometown Rams and Raiders to root for the 49ers.

I bought my Michael Jordan-Scottie Pippen “Joint Chiefs of Stuff” Barcelona Olympics poster in Oregon.

Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason and Xavier MacDaniel tortured puppies and likely ate small children as the intimidators for those very badass Knicks teams.

Reggie Miller straight-up owned Madison Square Garden two years in a row. First, dropping bombs and sprinkling in some trash talk with Mars Blackmon, then pushing Greg Anthony in the back to drop two three’s in about two seconds.

Chris Warren was a top-five running back for the Seattle Seahawks.

William Floyd tore his ACL in his rookie season with the 49ers. 

An even more gruesome injury occurred: Napolean McCalum’s leg on Monday Night Football. Seriously, do not click on the link if you get nauseous from human bones twisting in ways they’re not supposed to twist.

Michael Jordan made the most overrated play in sports history with that stupid right hand-to-left hand maneuver in mid-air.

Joe Carter made Mitch Williams into a bigger goat than Scott Norwood. Speaking of…

The Bills came back from that 35-3 defecit. And how sick were those Oilers teams with Moon and Webster Slaughter and Haywood Jeffries?

I sat way the hell up in the Forum rafters during a ’90 playoff game against the Suns and set the first-half NBA playoff record for most sweatshirt-on, sweatshirt-off transitions.

I saw my first drunk fight: Dodger Stadium, right field pavilion (halfway up), ’91 vs. the Reds. And my introduction to the miracles of beer.

Fred McGriff was the “Crime Dog.”

The Undertaker and Bret Hart were two of my favorite characters in WWF Royal Rumble for Genesis.

I tried to replicate IRS’ signature clothesline move on a buddy in fourth grade during our faux-WWF fights on the playground. He ducked and I ran into a jungle gym. True story.

I would play as the Magic in NBA Live ’95. Dennis Scott and Nick Anderson would get hot from downtown, and I couldn’t lose.

My buddy Scott would cheat like hell in the old Madden games by setting up Neil Smith five yards off my left tackle and sacking me every time.

Chris Webber called that timeout. Why Chris?!

The utterly preppy Christian Laettner made that turnaround jumper from the free throw line against Kentucky. A life full of Duke hatred commenced.

Gino Toretta won the Heisman Trophy. I will repeat that to confirm the insignificance of the award. GINO TORETTA WON THE HEISMAN TROPHY.

Keyshawn Johnson was killing it at Southern Cal.

Glenn Robinson signed a ludicrous $68 million rookie deal. The shock of any athlete signing that deal then would be like someone hitting the $300 million mark now. (Yes, I know A-Rod sort of hit that, but we’ll pretend he’s not actually alive.). 

The O’Bannon brothers, Tyus Edney, Toby Bailey and George Zidek brought home title number 11 for UCLA hoops.

Best of all, I remember when we used to follow sports before the Internet. I dare you to remember that far back in time.



One response

18 03 2009

I miss those Knicks.


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